Black mascara stained tissues fill my bedroom floor. I never even knew it was possible to feel this alone. I have friends but I can never have them like I can have you, can I? Ever since you left I haven't been able to think straight. I never asked for this. I never thought things would have turned out this way. Never in a million years. The idea that I have absolutely no control in a situation that is going to affect my life is a scary thought. It’s like watching a train wreck happen right in front of my eyes.
They say some things don’t work out like they should. Maybe they’re right, maybe they’re wrong. Maybe you were always meant to leave. Maybe I’m supposed to find myself while you’re away. Do some soul searching while you’re gone. I’ve got time. I’m sure you’re doing the same.
I envy the couples I see passing me by on the city streets. I have half of what they have. I have you, but not your presence. I have your memory but not your touch. I want so badly to just be able to kiss your lips, hold your hand, and see your smile once again. Yeah, modern technology is great. But it’s not enough. I need You, not your picture. Are webcams and sporadic phone calls suppose to hold me through months, even years without seeing your face, touching your skin, feeling the warmth and safety of your arms around me. Wait, what am I talking about? We haven't webcammed in ages, nor talked on the phone.
Nevertheless, I love you whether you’re right next to me or a thousand miles away. It's just difficult that’s all. Whatever happens, please just don't forget about me because I will never forget about you. In the mysterious and distant place of the future, I don't know if we will end up together. For now I'll keep my memories close to my heart and continue to re-live them until the moment we can create even more.
Love, Jern
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