I thought he was genuine... like a jewel in the rocks. But we live in two completely different worlds. I don't even know why I'm this attached, when in this past one single mistake ruins everything for me. I thought i was wiser. I thought i knew better. Its not like we've been together very long. Maybe it was the first night I met you. When the first time we ever talked we were already laughing because of the guessing game we were playing. Perhaps it was how you used to always listen. Or you stealing that first kiss while pretending to watch the television. or maybe, .. maybe it was when i thought i found my bestfriend. They say it's love when you cuddle so close together in the couch where you can't even tell which ones are your arms anymore. When you make love everyday. When you can't sleep unless he's beside you. When you can't wait to come home because you know someone's waiting for you. When you look forward to the weekends because you know you're spending it with someone. When you can't wait for the holidays because you know you have someone to spend it with. And we are all that. But how come i feel empty? It's not like our love for each other died. But we couldn't stand each other either when we argue. Why do i have to be brutally honest? Because when i do, whatever i say you use against me. I don't know why I always do this. There must be a genetic quirk in my brain or something, because I genuinely can't help myself. I fall deeply in love, I give my all and it goes down the drain. I thought i was stronger but i can never be stronger for the man who's willing to let me go.
It's only a matter of time before I stumble across that person who will somehow make my world magic again. Just by looking at me he'll put a hundred different feelings in my body and my head will go completely blank when he smiles. My heart will skip a beat from the slightest sound of my phone, and everything I do when he's not around will be colored by his absence. I will meet someone who doesn't have that need of playing games and instead of following all kinds of rules, simply follows his heart. Someone who makes me wanna look past all the times I've been hurt and feel like it's actually worth risking everything again. He will sigh at my stupid jokes and the way I tend to forget stuff and mess everything up, but deep down he'll love it because love's not about accepting each others flaws, it's about loving them because they make us who we are. I will find somebody for whom I am prepared to show not just the strong, independent side of me that the rest of the world know, but also the insecurities that make me wake up in the middle in the night crying because I'm sick of hurting.
He will not give me my confidence back or make me love myself again. I have no need for a fairytale prince who lifts me up on his white horse and saves me. He will make me complete though, in a way no one has ever done before, and together we will get struck by love so hard that nothing will ever be the same again. You see, I know he's out there and I won't stop until I find him. Cause I deserve nothing less than to love someone who loves me back and this I know. But thank you, thank you for trusting me and thank you for being trustworthy. Thank you for all the laughters and the tears. I couldn't see myself missing anyone else the way I miss you. The thing is, I'm hurting you. I want to stop hurting you. I have to let us go. I have to let you go. In my heart, I will always remember.
