A blog is something to channel sadness with. kind of like telling yourself a story, or telling a friend a story. They would listen to you regardless if your going on about one thing over and over again. On the other hand, I noticed that the past few months, all this blog has has been about sadness and anger. I found myself wondering, am I really happy? Or only because I have no words to define how happy I am that I fail to write about them?

That being said I hate to keep my mind milling over my current state so I should just go back to sleep cos it's 3am and I have work tomorrow.
Good night.

.. just another heartache

My mornings are like clockwork. Alarm would go off, after one hit of the snooze button I would get up and go to the bathroom, make my green tea, facebook a little, and cuddle next to Princess while she lays on our bed waiting for her stomach to get patted. Then she follows me as I make breakfast, waiting and waiting till we all sat down on the living room and eat breakfast together. I then get ready for work, give her a little hug before i leave, and say, "Bye Prins, be good okay? I Love you!" :(

On that same day when I had to leave her to mom, I already felt empty, No more wet dog smell that used to permeate our room. Life makes no sense without her. What I wouldn't give to hear her sigh and snuggle next to me right now. She has been there for me through so much. To have her snuggled up in my arms made everthing in this horrible world seem alright. My heart dies when I come home to an empty house..no happy hello's or barking. My bed seems cold without her cuddled up to me, and there seems to be no excitement waking up in the mornings now because i don't hear her stamping little feet following me around all day. We used to do everything together and now she is not there to share it with me.

I know Daniel is trying hard. But when his bestfriend tells u during rough times that me leaving feels like "It's weird pero nakakagaan ng pakiramdam....." would you even trust that he really loves you? I understand that he wants to play safe now. I am aware that if we get caught again, we are in violation of our lease , and they may even kick us out – and on top of that FINE us. But wth. If we're leaving in a month, what's so hard about keeping her with us until the time comes? Is it worth giving me the heartache? I would hate to get evicted myself, but I haven't been away from my Princess ever since I had gotten her. And it's so hard that he can't understand that. I love them both, they're my world but it's tearing my heart out. I mean God knows what I would give to make him happy... and right now it seems like this is another one way street. And to be awake at this hour? Writing my thoughts out because I'm emotionally torn again. If he really does care, why can't he just convince himself to let me keep her for just another goddamn month? She was always there, right next to me, being her adorable quirky self and now it just feels weird without her and it's sad that he can't give me my life.back. I really want to stand by his words, but it's just so hard. My days feels incredibly incomplete :(